You share your idea with your loved one (your partner, parent, sibling, friend), and something strange happens. They immediately start pointing out all that is wrong with your idea. You are deflated, hurt, disappointed, upset. This isn't what you expected, this isn't what you pictured happening. In your excitement for the new idea, you've constructed a story in your mind that the other person will respond with the same excitement level as yours. Reality hits, and you are left with the harsh truth: they don't see what you see.

Did this ever happen to you, too? It's all too often for me 😅

You see, I used to get really upset and start defending my idea. Or I would just shut down as it was too painful to hear. But in time, I realised the gold nugget I was being offered. There is a gift in the reflections our loved ones share with us. Because they are so close to us, they feel safe to say what's on their mind, without filters or social niceties. They get to highlight our blindspots, with the best intentions in mind. They care for us, so they share the truth as they see it.

But, of course, that truth hurts us in its raw form. The reality we've imagined isn't the reality we get to live in. In our minds, our idea is perfect, it's unique and full of potential. When others point out its flaws, it hurts deeply (initially).

What most of us tend to do is abstain from sharing our thoughts and ideas with our loved ones the next time, in the hope of avoiding the pain and hurt. And we might lose the valuable reflections they get to share, the blindspots we tend to miss when creating something new.

So what shall we do in this case? What's the solution?

I wish it were that simple, a plug-and-play solution for everyone. 😅😅

There are some stages and steps you can take to elevate your communication with your loved ones.

State 1. Pre-communication: 

• Get clear on the idea you'd like to communicate

• Slow down time to observe your excitement for the idea (observe your breathing rate, heart rate, tension in the body)

• Notice where your mind takes you: what do you wish to happen when you share it with your loved one? (it might be that you wish for them to be enthusiastic about it and happy you came up with that idea).

Stage 2. Communication

• Share the idea and your level of enthusiasm

• Observe their immediate reactions and words

• Observe your initial tension and hurt (in case the reality doesn't match your desired reality)

• Slow down and thank them for their reflections, mentioning that you will look more into them, to see how to incorporate or improve your idea based on their reflections.

Stage 3. Post-communication

• Reflect on the experience, noticing the hurt (if present), and allow your emotions to surface

• Cry if you need to (your tears will allow your body to release the tension felt)

• Remind yourself about the enthusiasm you initially had for your idea

• Look to understand the points/blindspots communicated by your loved ones

• If unclear about any points shared, go back to them to clarify them and ask for their support in bettering the idea

• Rephrase your idea with new insights and suggestions. 

Sometimes, you may ignore their suggestions. Do this after you've considered their points (if you choose to), but not as a defence mechanism against the hurt it caused.

This process takes time and practice, and not everyone will choose to follow it. That's ok. 

In an ideal world, the loved ones would also learn how to communicate their perspective in a way to minimise your hurt. That's not in our control. If they are open to it, you can help them improve their delivery and your relationships.

What's in your control is noticing your emotions, thoughts, beliefs, improving your observation skills and learning how to turn blindspots into gold mines with the help of your loved ones.

Hope this helps. 
Ana

"Protecting/safe-guarding the softness of the heart."

In today's meditation practice, I've noticed that phrase. It's about remaining open to feeling even when it's painful. Keeping the sweetness and gentleness and seeing it in others, even when they're shielded. Maybe they had a life experience when their sweetness was mislabeled or not seen as it was: a pure form of being. Perhaps they were laughed at for it or punished. Whatever it was, they made the internal decision never to be vulnerable like that, to conceal their true self, to harden their hearts.

It is sad. And it happens to many of us.

And it takes one person to notice the sweetness underneath the hard shell. To appreciate its beauty. To praise it and to be proud of the courage it takes to bring back the sweet nature and allow it to be seen.

It takes one to see one.

You are seen for your true inner beauty. It's present and precious. It serves you even if it's painful to express it.

Reflect, allow, embrace, express. You are a beautiful soul.

I've created a space for deep conversations. Let's talk.

Schedule a Deep Exploration Call with me. This is an exploratory call to get curious about what makes you tick. We'll enquire, ask deep questions, sit in silence or dream about the future.

There are no wrong answers, no pretences. You're scheduling a time that your future self will thank you for.
https://calendly.com/anacaragea/deep-exploration-call

What made you hide your kind nature? (DM me or reply in the comments)

You feel deeply, and there is no patience outside (or inside of you) for your emotions. You're afraid to share your raw emotions as others will not have time or acceptance of them.

You try to suppress, repress or ignore. They keep building up immense pressure until an unrelated event triggers an explosive reaction in you. Then everything shoots out, with a force that scares you. You are in shock yourself, and others are too, as they know you as this calm, collected individual who has their emotions in check. "Who are you?" they're asking...
"Who am I?", you're asking...

If only you would have felt safe with another human, for you to share deeply, without masking or holding back your intense emotions...

How do I know to write about these? It takes one to know one. I am that person too. I don't want to overwhelm my family or friends with unprocessed intense emotions. I feel scared at times to share the raw, deep emotions with others.

A few years ago, I even used to judge myself for feeling this much. And I used to hide how deeply I felt. Because of that, some might have thought of me as distant and cold, unapproachable. With a lot of inner work, I understood that my emotions were not right or wrong. And I realised that judging myself led only to suffering when experiencing deep emotions.

I am grateful to have reached inner acceptance for when I'm experiencing emotional pain. I allow my tears to flow, with patience for this process.

Acceptance and patience - this is what I wish for you too. Reach out if you want a space like that.

Without awareness of emotions, your reactions will push others away, break relationships, and hold you back from reaching your goals.

➡️ Where have unprocessed emotions got in your way at work? Let me know in the comments.

When I was in my early 20s, I was task-focused. Nothing wrong with that. The feedback I was receiving was about how professional and well-organised my approach to tasks was. I looked more distant and perhaps cold to colleagues who didn't know me well. Far from me the thought of building my network, creating connections or sharing about my struggles. If I had a tough day or struggled emotionally, well... it was all inside, my emotions tightly locked in.

Side note, and it was never a dream of mine to start a business. 😅

As an introvert with a lot of beliefs about how I "should" show up professionally at work, showing emotions was the last on my list. 😅 I thought that if I do a great job at doing my tasks, others will notice, without me needing to clearly articulate it, as it seemed obvious from my perspective.

And as introverts tend to be highly observant, I've noticed a few patterns. Studying psychology, coaching and effective leadership tendencies (and movies 😅), it dawned on me - it's all about people! duh lol

But it didn't come naturally to me! (Of course, The GC Index® explains it very well, but that's another post).

How can I move from ideas and task-focused to people in my work? Should I? Is it really THAT necessary?

The younger version of me struggled with this a lot, as she had many beliefs and emotional wounds that held her back. And yes, at 37 years old now and as a business owner, it's necessary.

Wound after wound healed, belief after belief overturned, perseverance guiding and pushing me, I've made peace with my natural inclinations and developed skills that make me an observant introvert of others' emotions, who sees and acknowledges with compassion and kindness others' journeys to unlocking their impact in the world.

☀️ As we are truly in this together. ☀️

My hope is that you, too, will acknowledge your strengths and natural inclinations. And in doing this, you will learn how to see others' contributions (that might differ from yours). You will develop, in time, an appreciation for beauty in others' hearts (in yours too), and the workplace will become an environment for growth, contribution, prosperity and purpose.

❓ What are some things you still struggle with as an introvert? (Feel free to message me, if uncomfortable to share in the comments).

Speak soon.
Ana

We tend to form memories when we experience stronger emotions. Either positive* ones (like joy, anticipation, surprise, trust, etc.), or negative* ones (fear, anger, disgust, sadness, etc). Most often than not, we might have collected more of the negative ones, as our brain and system are designed to keep us alive (so the negative ones give us survival information). But if we don't understand this process, we might develop beliefs and thoughts that will put us in patterns that keep us from growing as human beings, or from tapping into our creative, expressive selves, filled with beauty and hope for a better world.

Learn to be present to the positive emotions as well, so that you create these beautiful memories, either at work, with your family or with friends.

For a long time, I didn't know about this process. And somehow, I've shut down my feelings, in order to protect myself from the overwhelm the emotions were causing me. Without guidance or examples in my immediate world, I became judgemental of these strong overwhelming emotions as I didn't know how to process and integrate them. It took years to grasp this concept and to let my heart expand its range of emotions and feelings, to allow joy and hope back in, with full expression.

If you are at a life stage where you feel numb but have an inkling there's more to life, you are right. The transition to feeling again might take a toll on you, as when you allow one emotion in (let's say joy or love), all the other emotions will jump in as well, sometimes all at once (and that might feel too overwhelming).

Expect a bumpy ride, with ups and downs, good days, and worse days.

➡️ Some might ask, "But what is the point of all these feelings and emotions if they feel uncomfortable or painful at times?"

My experience tells me that when we are feeling, we connect more.

As intuitive people, we know when one person is disconnected, we can sense the walls and the distance in the relationship. Trust is less likely to happen in these cases.

The world's work environment gets more complex as time goes by. And for one person to solve all the problems, well.. that's unrealistic. That's why we have to trust one another in solving these complex problems together.

The process of emotional healing and nurturing takes time. The encouragement with this post is to be brave and start this process.

And reach out if you would like support (if you are an introvert manager or leader, that's my speciality as a fellow introvert who's gone through this process). This is also part of our Future-Proof Confident Leadership - a three months program, in case it's of interest.

*Emotions by nature are not positive or negative, but neutral, as they are signals your body creates in response to stimuli. The common understanding is that some of the emotions are labelled "positive" as they are easier to process and feel/experience, and "negative" when the load on us is heavier and our system is in alert or in distress.

There's no such thing as a "Perfect Leader" - learn why and how effective leadership is created and embodied.

I'm excited to announce the second episode of the Lunch & Learn series Powered by The GC Index® on Multi-dimensional Impact!

During these short, interactive LinkedIn Live sessions, I will be sharing practical and actionable tips for maximising your impact at work and in your personal life.

Let me know in the comments what has been a takeaway for you 😊

Reclaim your energy at work and clarify your potential impact!

I'm excited to announce the first Lunch & Learn Session - Powered by The GC Index®!

During these short, interactive LinkedIn Live sessions, I will be sharing practical and actionable tips for maximising your impact at work and in your personal life.

Here is the recording of the first episode.

Let me know in the comments what has been a takeaway for you. 😊

Ana

Ever since I heard it for the first time, I have felt its power and deep wisdom. I knew it was something worth exploring and understanding. "Slow down to speed up" is Rich Litvin's mantra/affirmation/statement/invitation. It made sense. I got it, and I started practising myself and invited my clients to do so as well.

As a Strategist (based on The GC Index® framework), I need to slow down so that I can register and connect the dots, observe patterns, trends, notice repeating events that potentially inform my strategies. This is a superpower for any strategist, so setting that conscious intention during the day to slow down to capture insights is critical and so important.

When I revisited a dear book I bought years ago (re-reading it for the second or third time) - "Lessons from my coach" written by Amir Karkouti (another awesome and powerful coach I got the chance to speak with years back), I took his invitation to slow down again to get deeper with one insight.

The one question that came to mind regarding slowing down was: do all the five GC Index® proclivities need to slow down? 

My friend and dear colleague, Nicole, listened to my question and offered her perspective as a Play Maker/Game Changer and transpersonal hypnotherapist. Her view is that all proclivities need to slow down to be able to recentre, connect with their intuition and re-energise. Powerful stuff, right?! (Nicole is awesome 😎)

Another point she made was that a Game Changer would slow down differently than a Polisher or an Implementer. 

And that's exactly when my initial question got its answer: yes, all the five GC Index® proclivities need to slow down, taking into consideration the specific nuances of each proclivity.

➡️ For a Game Changer, making space for ideas.

➡️ For a Strategist, making space for patterns to be observed, and dots to be connected.

➡️ For an Implementer, highlighting the urgency of tasks and taking action, getting things done (one at a time).

➡️ For a Polisher, revisiting details and learning new skills.

➡️ For a Play Maker, slowing down to learn the needs of others in their team/household.

So, depending on what your top two proclivities/natural inclinations are, you will be slowing down in a different way. It's crucial that you identify yours, otherwise, you might be advised to slow down in a way that just doesn't work for you. Then you might give up on this process.

Hope this helps 🤩🤩🤩

Signed,

Ana - the Caring Strategist 😎😎😎

Anger - we don't know how to respond to it effectively. And we can't ignore it anymore.

Here's my take on anger: behind anger, there is a desire. We need to become better at identifying and communicating effectively our desires so that when we get to the emotion of anger, we could channel its energy in a constructive way and build our desires. 🤩


I know, easier said than done. But not impossible. Start practising it with the first chance you get. Notice when your body starts to ramp up, when your heart beats faster, when it feels like you're going to shout or yell. If you are alone when this happens, take the opportunity to feel the energy course through your body. It's electrical, it wants to move you into action. Feel it, don't suppress it. Shake your body.

A way to learn to identify your desires (behind your anger) is to ask for support from someone you know and trust. A friend, a colleague, a mentor, a coach. Share with them this post as a foundation for what you want to do. Ask them to help you to identify the moments when you are angry (as they might be able to see it faster than you). And you'll be able to spot it yourself afterwards more quickly based on the cues your friend shared.


💡 And then ask yourself (or with your friend's/coach's help):

🔹 What did you want to happen in the first place?
🔹 What was the desired outcome of that event?

💡 Get really curious to identify the root cause.


Maybe there was an injustice occurring. Perhaps a fear of yours got triggered (and so you wanted safety). Maybe you wanted a moment of peace because you were tired. Maybe a dream of yours got shattered.

Get really clear (and it's ok if you can't identify it on your first try).

As kids or teenagers, we didn't have the vocabulary to express our needs/wants. So we might have acted our emotions out by becoming angry. And if our caretakers weren't aware of the connection between anger and desire, they might have made us suppress it, or we got punished for being angry. But our desires didn't go away. The energy was still there.

And if the caretakers were themselves angry, we got defensive (to protect ourselves, to keep ourselves safe - a natural process occurring).

💡 Now, as adults, we might have gotten to the stage where if we have anger, we express it based on these older patterns we've learned when young. If we are in a situation where another adult is angry, we might make the assumption that their anger is about us, so we get defensive and stop listening or helping that person clarify their needs.

It's 2023: We now have access to updated information that can help us grow more aware and build upon our desires, instead of using anger as a destructive force.

Start using your emotions as guides to your inner wisdom.
You are courageous, and your heart has light too!

Speak soon!
Ana

When setting work agreements, the important thing is for you to realise that everyone has emotions, with various intensities.

For instance, regarding the emotion of fear, if we don't feel fear, we won't be able to feel other emotions like fearlessness, resourcefulness, boldness, courage, and bravery. So, fear is also there for you to know and appreciate other emotions and other feelings.

Sometimes, when we have these emotions, we tend to want to block them, as we don't want to look at them, to see them. The invitation here is to be a little bit more curious about your emotions and not to be afraid of them.


When we feel fear coming on, it's important for us to take a breather, a moment of silence. Locate it in your body so that you are not remote-controlled in your life. When you do this, you remove it from inside you, and the emotion is no longer you. You are not this emotion, it cannot define you, it cannot control you.
 
When your thoughts generate your emotions, ponder on their origin. Ask yourself: 

• What are these thoughts? 

• Where are they coming from? 

• Who taught me? 

• Where did I learn it? 

• Where did I learn these thoughts to associate with this situation? 

This is really important as when you do that, you can also empower yourself to realise that maybe the person who taught you, (because usually, it's a person who's taught you these, this is what we do - we model, we have our role models, it can be a teacher, it can be your mom, your granddad), when you realise that this is that person's truth and not yours, you can create a new truth for yourself.

Say, "No, I'm not going to react like this in this situation, this is not my truth. And this emotion is not me, it is outside of me. And I can look at it, and I can observe it. And I can learn from it". 

Be curious and find the cause of your emotions. 

As an example, fear is something that we have been taught to run from. When it comes up, we've learnt to run and hide. But fear is everywhere. Fear is in adverts everywhere, fear is in TV series, in movies, in soccer games, it is in your work, your home, your family environment - fear is just about everywhere.


The goal now becomes to experience your emotion without attaching your identity to it. When you attach your identity to it, then it becomes harder to process the emotion.

When you believe that you are your emotion, the internal dialogue takes a judgemental turn.

Identity self-talk: "I am anxious."
No, you are not anxious. You are just going through a moment of anxiety.

Identity self-talk: "I am very fearful. I have no courage. I am not brave."
No, you are very brave. You have this in you. If you have fear, you have bravery. They're both there.


As you build your truth, with time and practice, you will learn how to process your emotions so that they won't control you when you experience them. The emotions you have are meant to protect you, to keep you safe, they teach you how to survive in the society we live in. So you can learn to be grateful for them while understanding their power and limitations.

That's why when setting work agreements, it's best that you understand the emotions you feel at work so that you can process them and communicate/set the agreements in a grounded, calm manner and not from a place of fear.


With care and dedication,
Nicole Quartin