You share your idea with your loved one (your partner, parent, sibling, friend), and something strange happens. They immediately start pointing out all that is wrong with your idea. You are deflated, hurt, disappointed, upset. This isn't what you expected, this isn't what you pictured happening. In your excitement for the new idea, you've constructed a story in your mind that the other person will respond with the same excitement level as yours. Reality hits, and you are left with the harsh truth: they don't see what you see.

Did this ever happen to you, too? It's all too often for me 😅

You see, I used to get really upset and start defending my idea. Or I would just shut down as it was too painful to hear. But in time, I realised the gold nugget I was being offered. There is a gift in the reflections our loved ones share with us. Because they are so close to us, they feel safe to say what's on their mind, without filters or social niceties. They get to highlight our blindspots, with the best intentions in mind. They care for us, so they share the truth as they see it.

But, of course, that truth hurts us in its raw form. The reality we've imagined isn't the reality we get to live in. In our minds, our idea is perfect, it's unique and full of potential. When others point out its flaws, it hurts deeply (initially).

What most of us tend to do is abstain from sharing our thoughts and ideas with our loved ones the next time, in the hope of avoiding the pain and hurt. And we might lose the valuable reflections they get to share, the blindspots we tend to miss when creating something new.

So what shall we do in this case? What's the solution?

I wish it were that simple, a plug-and-play solution for everyone. 😅😅

There are some stages and steps you can take to elevate your communication with your loved ones.

State 1. Pre-communication: 

• Get clear on the idea you'd like to communicate

• Slow down time to observe your excitement for the idea (observe your breathing rate, heart rate, tension in the body)

• Notice where your mind takes you: what do you wish to happen when you share it with your loved one? (it might be that you wish for them to be enthusiastic about it and happy you came up with that idea).

Stage 2. Communication

• Share the idea and your level of enthusiasm

• Observe their immediate reactions and words

• Observe your initial tension and hurt (in case the reality doesn't match your desired reality)

• Slow down and thank them for their reflections, mentioning that you will look more into them, to see how to incorporate or improve your idea based on their reflections.

Stage 3. Post-communication

• Reflect on the experience, noticing the hurt (if present), and allow your emotions to surface

• Cry if you need to (your tears will allow your body to release the tension felt)

• Remind yourself about the enthusiasm you initially had for your idea

• Look to understand the points/blindspots communicated by your loved ones

• If unclear about any points shared, go back to them to clarify them and ask for their support in bettering the idea

• Rephrase your idea with new insights and suggestions. 

Sometimes, you may ignore their suggestions. Do this after you've considered their points (if you choose to), but not as a defence mechanism against the hurt it caused.

This process takes time and practice, and not everyone will choose to follow it. That's ok. 

In an ideal world, the loved ones would also learn how to communicate their perspective in a way to minimise your hurt. That's not in our control. If they are open to it, you can help them improve their delivery and your relationships.

What's in your control is noticing your emotions, thoughts, beliefs, improving your observation skills and learning how to turn blindspots into gold mines with the help of your loved ones.

Hope this helps. 
Ana