Anger - we don't know how to respond to it effectively. And we can't ignore it anymore.

Here's my take on anger: behind anger, there is a desire. We need to become better at identifying and communicating effectively our desires so that when we get to the emotion of anger, we could channel its energy in a constructive way and build our desires. 🤩


I know, easier said than done. But not impossible. Start practising it with the first chance you get. Notice when your body starts to ramp up, when your heart beats faster, when it feels like you're going to shout or yell. If you are alone when this happens, take the opportunity to feel the energy course through your body. It's electrical, it wants to move you into action. Feel it, don't suppress it. Shake your body.

A way to learn to identify your desires (behind your anger) is to ask for support from someone you know and trust. A friend, a colleague, a mentor, a coach. Share with them this post as a foundation for what you want to do. Ask them to help you to identify the moments when you are angry (as they might be able to see it faster than you). And you'll be able to spot it yourself afterwards more quickly based on the cues your friend shared.


💡 And then ask yourself (or with your friend's/coach's help):

🔹 What did you want to happen in the first place?
🔹 What was the desired outcome of that event?

💡 Get really curious to identify the root cause.


Maybe there was an injustice occurring. Perhaps a fear of yours got triggered (and so you wanted safety). Maybe you wanted a moment of peace because you were tired. Maybe a dream of yours got shattered.

Get really clear (and it's ok if you can't identify it on your first try).

As kids or teenagers, we didn't have the vocabulary to express our needs/wants. So we might have acted our emotions out by becoming angry. And if our caretakers weren't aware of the connection between anger and desire, they might have made us suppress it, or we got punished for being angry. But our desires didn't go away. The energy was still there.

And if the caretakers were themselves angry, we got defensive (to protect ourselves, to keep ourselves safe - a natural process occurring).

💡 Now, as adults, we might have gotten to the stage where if we have anger, we express it based on these older patterns we've learned when young. If we are in a situation where another adult is angry, we might make the assumption that their anger is about us, so we get defensive and stop listening or helping that person clarify their needs.

It's 2023: We now have access to updated information that can help us grow more aware and build upon our desires, instead of using anger as a destructive force.

Start using your emotions as guides to your inner wisdom.
You are courageous, and your heart has light too!

Speak soon!
Ana